


Waves

by Why_do_you_want_to_know



Series: Song Fics [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel Watches Over Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester Mutual Pining, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, I'm Sorry, I'm sorry... again, Idiots in Love, Inspired by Music, M/M, Mutual Pining, No Plot/Plotless, Not really happy, Protective Castiel (Supernatural), Song Lyrics, Song fic, The Author Regrets Everything, This hurts, angel grace, just ending, no beta we die like men, not quite fallen angel cas, not really sad, they are both idiots, ummmmmm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 20:47:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21214832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Why_do_you_want_to_know/pseuds/Why_do_you_want_to_know
Summary: Song fic of 'Waves' by Dean Lewis.***********There is a swelling stormAnd I'm caught up in the middle of it all.And it takes controlOf the person that I thought I wasThe boy I used to know.





	Waves

**Author's Note:**

> So....... I don't know what this is?  
I wanted to write a song fic and then this song came on and i just had to. It was just so perfect!  
I love this fic so much and i hope you will too!!  
ENJOY!!!!!!!

Cas knew he shouldn't. He knew that the boys would want to know he was in the bunker. He hadn't even warned them that he would return from Heaven soon, he had just turned up in the middle of the night when they were both sleeping, unannounced.

He could wake one of them, but they needed their sleep, they didn't get enough of it as it was, without angels randomly waking them in the middle of the night.

Somehow, without even meaning to, he found himself standing outside Dean's door.

He opened it as quietly as he could and just stood there, at the end of Dean's bed. He knew he shouldn't, Dean would tell him he was being creepy, he couldn't stop himself.

Looking at Dean, lying in his bed, looking so peaceful as all his fears seemingly melted off his face, caused feelings to well up inside. At first he had thought his vessel was malfunctioning, now he realised it wasn't his vessel at all. It was just him. The feelings were inside his very grace.

** _There is a swelling storm_ **

** _And I'm caught up in the middle of it all._ **

His feelings were like a storm. They were too powerful. He was like an insect inside a storm. Powerless and probably going to get hurt.

He couldn't escape from them, he wasn't sure he wanted to, but Angels weren't meant to feel. At all. Especially not like this. About a human.

He was caught up. Stuck. Trapped. All by this powerless human.

** _And it takes control_ **

** _Of the person that I thought I was_ **

** _The boy I used to know._ **

He used to be so sure. So sure if Heaven's plan. So sure of God. He was a perfect angel who always followed his instructions perfectly. Then Dean came along, and he was here.

He changed. In a good way, probably. But he changed.

Old him would barely be able to recognise himself, he was so different. He no longer served Heaven. He didn't even serve God. He served one man and one man only.

He thought old him was just him. He now saw the real Castiel, wasn't Castiel at all. The real him was Cas. And Cas was in love with Dean.

** _But there, is a light_ **

** _In the dark, and I feel its warmth_ **

** _In my hands, and my heart_ **

No matter what happened. No matter what anyone did, no matter what happened to him or what he was taught, one thing could change it all, make everything better.

No matter how bad his life became, Dean was his light.

When he charged through Hell. When he started feeling doubt. Civil war. Leviathans. Purgatory. Naomi. The fall. Being Human. Stealing grace. Metatron. Dying. Everything.

Throughout everything, his light at the end of the tunnel had been Dean.

Dean had warmed his heart from their first meeting. Like Hester had said, when he first touched Dean in Hell, he was lost. Because Dean's warmth woke him up. Showed him the truth.

** _Why can't I hold on?_ **

And yet, through it all. He couldn't have Dean. Something was always keeping them apart.

One or both of them would die. One or both of them would be evil. One or both of them would leave.

They would never hold onto each other.

** _It comes and goes in waves_ **

** _It always does, it always does_ **

Sometimes, Cas found he could ignore it. The pull that pulled him towards Dean. The pull that forced him to be with Dean. He could ignore it, let his human get on with his life. Sometimes it was agony.

But it was just how it was. He had to let his human do whatever he wanted, he had free will, Cas just had to protect him and hope maybe one day, Dean would come to him on his own.

** _We watch as our young hearts fade_ **

** _Into the flood, into the flood_ **

He watched Dean grow from barely able to stop the apocalypse, to stopping God's sister.

He watched Dean change, from cocky young adult, to what he was now.

His soul was always beautiful, but somehow it still was, even after all the pain, all the hurt, all the breaks. 

It was even more beautiful after it all.

** _The freedom, of falling_ **

** _A feeling I thought was set in stone_ **

Cas had always believed that falling was the worst thing. The worst thing that could happen.

Now he knew he would fall in an instant if it would save Dean. If it would protect his human.

** _It slips through, my fingers_ **

** _I'm trying hard to let go_ **

He had tried. So many times.

He had tried to let Dean go.

When Sam was in the cage. He tried to let Dean go, he still found himself watching. When Crowley offered to help, he thought that was his way to let Dean go.

He still found himself back.

** _It comes and goes in waves_ **

** _It comes and goes in waves_ **

What he felt for Dean would never leave.

If was like the waves on a beach. No matter what happens, you know the waves will come and the tides will change.

No matter what, he would always love Dean.

** _And carries us away_ **

Every day he found his love for Dean pulling him further and further away from what he used to be.

** _Through the wind_ **

** _Down to the place we used to lay when we were kids_ **

Cas remembered, back when he could fly, he would fly to wherever Dean was and just stay with him. Normally he was invisible, just watching and making sure nothing could hurt him, but sometimes he would be visible, they would talk and he could sit with Dean for real.

** _Memories, of a stolen place_ **

** _Caught in the silence _ **

** _An echo lost in space_ **

He loved, probably more than he should, these little stolen moments, when everyone was sleeping, when he could just sit and watch his charge - his human.

Here, in the silence, he could sit and watch the echo of dreams flit across Dean's face.

** _It comes and goes in waves_ **

** _It always does, it always does_ **

He didn't watch Dean every night. He used to do if regularly, back when he could fly and didn't understand what he was feeling.

Now he knew. He knew without a drop of doubt. But now he couldn't fly. When he was away, or when Dean was away, he couldn't just fly over and watch. But when they were in the bunker? When they were together he loved sneaking in and settling the ache in his chest to protect. The bond pulled him to Dean and when he could, he was happy to just be dragged along.

** _We watch as our young hearts fade_ **

** _Into the flood, into the flood_ **

The world would never stop ending. Dean's youth had gone to saving people, and now his adulthood was going to saving the world.

Cas wished he could save him from this fate, but he couldn't. All he could do was keep him company and make sure he didn't die.

All he could do was protect Dean to the best of his abilities.

But it was never good enough.

** _The freedom, of falling_ **

** _A feeling I thought was set in stone_ **

Angels. He always believed them to be heartless bastards. Dean had called them that, back when they were trying to kill Anna.

Cas had agreed.

He guessed that most of them really were. But some of them were different, for one reason or another.

Anna just wanted to feel. Gabe wanted the fighting to stop. Balthazar just wanted to help. Samandriel just wanted to serve.

Cas just wanted to love.

** _It slips through, my fingers_ **

** _I'm trying hard to let go_ **

He had tried to stop loving Dean. Naomi had tried to stop him from loving Dean. Heaven had tried. Crowley had tried. The Leviathans had tried.

It never worked. He just couldn't let go of his feelings.

** _It comes and goes in waves_ **

** _It comes and goes in waves_ **

Dean was like the moon. And he was the tides. He couldn't exist without Dean and he didn't think he would want to try.

** _And carries us away_ **

His feelings for Dean had gotten him into and out of his darkest of times. But he wouldn't change that for a second.

** _I watched my wild youth_ **

** _Disappear in front of my eyes_ **

He remembered when he first arrived on Earth. He was already changed by Dean, but only slightly. In the years since then, he had changed so much.

Looking back, he was practically a baby back then. He didn't know anything. He didn't know of free will, didn't know feelings, didn't know the depth of what he felt for Dean.

** _Moments of magic and wonder_ **

** _It seems so hard to find_ **

The moments when he was alone with Dean. When they made eye contact and just held it. Or when they would touch - a shoulder pat, a goodbye hug - they were magic. He could feel their bond, he could take on the world.

He wished they weren't so few and far between. They were just so hard to find. He guessed that was just how it was with magic nowadays, hard to find in its purest form.

It was almost funny. He had his grace. His mojo. His magic. And yet he never truly believed in magic until he met Dean.

** _Is it ever coming back again?_ **

** _Is it ever coming back again?_ **

When Dean died. When Dean was a demon. When he lived with Lisa. When they went to purgatory. When Dean went to face Amara.

All the times he thought he had lost Dean for good. When he thought he would never get to see his human again, thought he would ever get to tell Dean how he truly felt.

** _Take me back to the feeling when_ **

** _Everything was left to find_ **

Sometimes he thought about how much easier things were before. Back before he fell in love. Before he felt doubt. Before he died and came back for one man.

Back when feelings were a mystery to him.

** _It comes and goes in waves_ **

** _It always does, oh it always does_ **

Humans. Humans were constantly fluctuating. Constantly changing. They were unique and beautiful and amazing.

Dean was unique and beautiful and amazing. 

He deserved better than a broken angel.

** _The freedom, of falling_ **

** _A feeling I thought was set in stone_ **

He had fallen in love. Fallen so hard for Dean. But he knew Dean didn't feel the same. Dean was a ladies man. Dean was amazing. Dean was so good. And Cas just wasn't. Dean could never love Cas.

** _It slips through, my fingers_ **

** _I'm trying hard to let go_ **

Dean could never love him, but Cas could never give up. Their bond stopped him from being able to leave, to be able to move on.

Their bond forced him to wait for Dean. Even if that meant waiting an eternity.

Dean couldn't love him. But Cas couldn't let go.

** _It comes and goes in waves_ **

** _It comes and goes in waves_ **

He loved Dean. Dean didn't love him.

Dean didn't love him. He loved Dean.

He would always love Dean. He would always protect Dean. He would always go when he called.

Dean would never love him back.

** _And carries us away_ **

The sun was just starting to rise causing Cas to sigh. Sam would wake soon and it would be best for everyone if Cas was sitting in the library when that happened.

"I love you." He whispered as he stood. Pressing a gentle kiss to Dean's forehead, pushing some grace forward to keep his dreams nightmare free and keep him sleeping until a more reasonable time.

With one last longing glance, Cas creeped out the room, going to sit in the library and open a book in front of him.

He looked like he had been there for a while, exactly as he had to.

He wished he didn't have to hide. He wished he didn't have to pretend. He wished he could tell Dean how he felt.

****

Dean sighed as he woke up. He felt warm. Fuzzy. Safe.

He wished he could hold onto his dream, wear it like a blanket so it could keep him safe and warm.

He could feel the details slip away as he woke up. He could remember Cas. Cas was in it. Cas was keeping him safe? Cas was watching over him.

He sighed again. He missed Cas. It had been a while since they had last seen each other.

He always missed Cas when he was gone.

He wished Cas would stay. He wished Cas would be at the bunker and be there, not for duty, but for Dean.

He wished Cas loved him back.

But Cas was a beautiful, amazing, powerful, clever, Angel. As in cosmic being. As in, older than Earth. He could never love a being as small as Dean.

He wished he could tell Cas how he felt.

**Author's Note:**

> *Peeks out from under my bed* Sorry about the ending? I'm sorry..... It just didn't happen.......  
Hope you enjoyed!!!!!!!  
Please leave kudos and comments!!!!!! They truly mean the world to me and i'm really proud of this fic!!  
Have a fabulous week!!!


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